Dear Future Wife #3

I'm so sorry for being late since the last letter I've written to you. The past days were tough, long and still so far. This time, I'm writing with neither brain nor heart! I'm just feeling that I need to write something to someone, but I have nothing to write and no one except you to write for.


From the start of adulthood, we have been waiting for perfection or at least to be a good person. Since I became 18, I realized that we are inherently flawed and broken beings. Perfection is beyond us. Despite our intelligence and our science, we will never stamp out stupidity and pain. Life will always continue to be – in central ways – about suffering. I realized also that it doesn't matter how people look at you, what matters is how you're looking at yourself. I made terrible mistakes, but I have the concept of recognising that each one of us is weak, mad and mistaken and we should inspire compassion for ourselves – and generosity towards others. The school of life taught me that I have to accept my idiocy and yes, I'm good enough to go on

In the name of love, we put ourselves in extraordinary situations to stand any hope of remaining in anyone’s mind, ideas. But whatever you did just remember that the time passed; decades went by. I'm writing to you to tell you that  I'm so disappointed and the reasons are multiple and in their ways entirely banal. Because my past and present are too complicated, my lack of trust is too deep, I'm totally too unconfident, don’t meet the right people, my luck is too slim, hope feels too risky. Though I try, harder than I try at anything else, I can’t do what I do need.


I know that there are periods of our lives when we face enormous worries; they might be about our health, our status, our jobs, money..etc. Anyway, I read before that falling in love with someone who will take care of you — not in a materialistic way, but rather, fall in love with someone who will take care of your mind, someone who will take care of your heart, someone who will take care of even the most chaotic parts of who you are is something precious and rare to find just like searching for the dragons in the movies, but I feel that I'm lucky enough to find my own dragon on my way. :')


I've been through a difficult situation over the past days and they say that there are moments that open up your life as a walnut cracked, that change your point of view so that you never look at things the same way again. And I think that it happened and I do hope to change to the better in order to do something helpful and useful for both of us.


Before ending, I want to remind you that Allah didn’t promise that life would be easy but he did promise to be with you on every step of the way. You know life is worth the struggle when you look back on what you lost and realize that what you have now is much greater. So, keep going & have a beautiful life. <3

Love,
M.Allam,